Lessons Learned

Whenever I sit down to write a blog its usually after a three of four week interval from the last one and I don't even know where to start...


So let me give a VERY brief and general summary of my last few weeks. A little over a month ago (Jan. 17) Andrea and Pam were scheduled to arrive back in Yap from being home with appendicitis and Dengue fever (not both at the same time! lol) Having them back at the school let us all breath a bit easier and we FINALLY had a full, working staff. We had not yet had a day when someone wasn't sick, needing a substitute or going home. Finally we started Thursday morning with everyone in the jobs they were actually suppose to be doing. I was in the office all morning and then went out to teach HS PE in the afternoon. I remember thinking that we could finally, after 5 months, have a "normal" day. Our school has been in a constant state of controlled chaos and uncertainty since this school year had started. I was scheduled to be on supervision for that Thursday so I stayed at my "post" by the bus drop off till about 2:50pm and then headed back to the apartment to get ready for our weekly town run. Side note: This IS an EXCITING event on our campus, Thursdays being town runs because this is the only day that we get to all leave campus and do our shopping and such. Anyways so I was changed, wallet in hand and checking my emails before we headed out the door when Mr. Alex comes running into the porch and says "please come quickly, Andrea broke her leg!" My mind instantly went into OVERDRIVE and a sort of controlled panic. I had had this kind of scare earlier in the year with one of my students and my brain instantly switched to "emergency nurse" mode. In these high alert medical types of situations make me go into this "superman" mode where I shut my mind off to fear and just GO! before I knew what I was doing I was flying down the apartment steps running to the crowd of students that had already gathered. To be honest I was bracing myself for a very bloody, bone sticking out of flesh kind of sight. Not to diminish the situation, but I was relatively relieved when I saw no blood at the scene but just a very calm and collected Andrea, lying on the retaining wall by the school parking lot. Her foot was NOT where a foot should be but was rather at a 90 degree angle to her leg and I could tell she was pale and probably very dizzy. Arcee was holding ice to the stubble of her bone. I immediately turned to Mr. Alex and we talked about what to do. I grabbed the car but that plan failed, and the green van was out of gas so we threw a mattress in the back of the white van and began our long, slow, bumpy drive to the hospital about 30min away. We called the ambulance but there was no available transport for her so we trekked out on our own. Once there they quickly wheeled her into the "red zone". It was truly an act of God that they were able to put her foot back in place. When the accident first happened Mr. Alex put a "local medicine" on her ankle and that had helped keep the swelling down along with ice. If they had not done that immediately there would have been swelling and the doctors probably wouldn't have been able to put her foot back in place. After about a week of her recovering on crutches we found out that she was going to have to go off island for reconstructive surgery on her now weakened bones as she had fractured BOTH her tibia and fibula and dented in her socket (although we DIDN'T know it was this bad till we got to Hawaii). After much debate, a very late night with Andrea figuring out flights and such I was on a plane with her as her medical assistant and world traveler on our way to Hawaii for her surgery. Now we were only scheduled to stay here for a week and then be back in Yap however as the doctor looked at her injury he was adamant that she needed to stay for 3 weeks after surgery!! So surgery was scheduled for the next week and we prepared a list of things to do to keep us busy and sane for the next few weeks. Of course the first few days after her surgery she was immobile and I was her personal slave....I mean servant:) to help her with tasks and to also cook her meals (ha if you can call what i do "cooking"). So now we come to the present. I sit on my bed in Hawaii, with Andrea across the room on her bed, with her colourful cast propped up on a blanket and ending yet another day on this gorgeous island.

Taking Andrea to the hospital minutes after the accident in the white van

Her foot is NOT facing the right direction...

OKAY now let's start with the latest. Today. Today Andrea got her new wheels::) The insurance brought a wheel chair over to the house and I spent a few minutes this afternoon pushing her around the neighborhood that we are staying in. She actually took control for an entire street and wheeled herself down the bumpy gravel pavement. We are staying on the street right across from the Adventist Castle Medical Hospital so I'm sure it looked like I was a nurse taking out this patient for a walk. Or a disgruntled ex-nurse freeing this poor hospital victim. We laughed at the thought of that as I began to run down the street nervously looking over my shoulder and watched what peoples reactions were haha.

Yes, I played around in HER wheelchair for a while

And for course I had to give her boot and crutches a test run:)

Our first day here we spent touring the island with Arland and his wife (who were house sitting for the Rassumsens: the house we're staying in). They were a VERY fun couple and had lived in Hawaii for quite a few years as missionaries a few years ago so they knew quite a bit of the island. We had an awesome day driving around the North shore of the island stopping at the Dole plantation, seeing the sea side waves, stopping at the famous surfing competition beach and eating at TACO BELL!!!!
It's been about 3 weeks now and I can't say we've done as much traveling as we did those first two days but we're really making some great memories and keeping ourselves busy with RANDOM activities. Some of which include melting crayons to her cast, listening to Pandora, sitting on Waikiki and kailua beaches, spending valentines day ALONE, eating asparagus and brustle sprouts, updating out facebooks, skyping ALOT, avoiding stupid facebook timeline, visiting TBELL like 3 times, befriending the Rassumsens scary cats, MANY hospital visits, playing the uk and piano, staring at Mt. Siana for HOURS, going to "the mall", experimenting with cooking, sleeping in, sleeping late, sleeeeeeeeeeeeppppiinnnggg, reading, jumping in leaves (well just me), getting really buff workouts from crutches and wheelchairs, making a movie, watching the entire 4 disk series of Anne of Green Gables, journals, oh and Andrea spent some time going through intense drug withdrawal.

The Hackets: Our Monday, North Shore tour guides

Gorgeous Hawaiian shoreline

1st visit to taco bell in 7 months! What a culture shock!!

Dole plantation: AMAZING dole whip!!

Beach visit: crutches and all:)

In honor of Andrea, I won't use my legs either:)

Getting ready for surgery:)

She's pretty drugged up:) At our favorite hangout place

This is all the hardware in her ankle now!!

Pinterest helped us with some ideas to decorate her cast! Melting crayons:)

Even just a shower takes work!

I can't say that this year has a lack of lessons to be learned. As I look at all those now preparing to go out as SM's next year I'm not sure how to respond to it. Whether to be happy for them or want to warn them to "turn back now!!" I can say that this year has NOT been a walk in the park but I have grown tremendously and JUST being here in Hawaii with Andrea for these past few weeks I have learned quite a few lessons....

My lessons learned

Don't take things for granted: Seeing Andrea and her courage through this entire situation has really made me see how God can help someone see the positive side to every discouragement. I know that I take so many things for granted. Having to see Andrea suffer through surgery, a splint cast, and now a plaster cast has really made me not take each and everyday for granted. To have two legs just to get out of bed and walk to the kitchen is a blessing. To be able to shower without a lawn chair in the shower or a bag on my leg. To not be constantly sick and nauseated from medications and sleepless nights. She's been a real trooper and has been positive even with the daunting tasks and road of recovery ahead of her. It's long and it's hard but it has taught me never to take anything in life for granted. We had this game of saying "well at least you have......._______________" whenever we would hear someone complain we would whisper that line to each other. For example if someone said "I am so tired of running after these kids all day." we would say "well at least you have two eyes" or something random like that. At first it was just a funny inside joke but it has really taught me to look at the positive in life. So lesson #2 BE POSITIVE. Now it has taken me a LONG time to get to this point. If you had told me that I would be saying all this with a smile on my face a few weeks ago I would have brushed you off with an angry comment and stormed away. But I am a daily work in progress and I need to learn how to learn from my mistakes, life circumstances and no matter what challenge comes my way to take it with a smile and say that God has something to teach me.


Be patient: more specifically, be patient with God. I am a very go, go, go personality and I don't like waiting. But God has had his timing this year, definitely not mine but I can see how He has led in the past few months. Not trying to diminish my struggle this year because this has been the hardest year of my life but to try and see what I can gain out of this year and take on with me to make me a better person.


Learn and grow: Take time to breathe. Learn from your mistakes. I have made so many mistakes this year that I can't even comprehend how God can still want me to do His work but everyday I wake yet again to another day of life and that's really something to be thankful for. If you had asked me how I was doing previously this year I probably would have given you a sarcastic, rude remark of hatred of my SM year but I really need to learn to be a more positive person and take what life throws my way and LEARN and GROW from it.


Relationships are important: I can't stress this one enough!! There's a quote a friend gave me a few days ago that really made this real for me. "People say you don't know what you got till it's gone, but I knew what I had, I just didn't think I would lose it." I have always been very appreciative of my friends this year who have really truly been there for me. When I was in the darkest of days I had ever seen they messaged me, emailed me and talked to me even when it was impossible to hear me be positive about any of this. When I was struggling deep in depression and didn't know how I was ever going to make it through another day, they were there encouraging me every step of the way. AND I've always seen how quickly a relationship can be broken. People are important, treat them that way. I've made many mistakes with some people in my life that I deeply regret and want to rewind time and take those hurts and fix the damage. But life is only lived forwards so I can only learn from those and hope that forgiveness still stands.


Don't worry, Be happy: This one is pretty self explanatory. This life is FULL of uncertainties and huge challenges. I have never been faced with so many difficult situations or times till this year but in the end all we can do is, don't worry, be happy...I'm still working on this one:) big time.


This is ever growing process and I have in no way reached a point of full acceptance or "perfection". I am still growing, falling back, having bad days, good days and trying to learn with it all.

Daphne's Joy

Daphne Knechts graveside memorial service was today. She was laid to rest in Collegedale TN. Surronded by friends and family and her even larger family of gymmasters. I have been told it was a beautiful celebration of her, hard to have to do but amazing to see how much support her family is recieveing from all those mourning their loss. An amazing woman, an even more incredible friend and fighter.

I was lucky enough to have some words read at her side since I couldn't be there (by Jana Miles her childhood friend) I know this time is so hard for all of us but we have this hope and I can't wait to see her smiling face again when Jesus comes to take us all home:) Revelation 21:4. This was my honor and privildege to have given at her service;

Daphne's joy was something that could not be suppressed. From the day I met her in Gymmaster tryouts I caught sight of her spunk and "smirky" smile. As the months passed and I struggled through the first year of being a gymmaster Daphne always had a word of encouragment for me or a punch in the arm to smarten up :) Through our years at Southern Daphne and I made a lot of memories. They all encompass a lot of smiles and laughing as that seemed to be the theme of her life. I remember meeting her at Acrofest after we found out that she had joined the Gymnix Gymnastics team at Andrews. Feeling a bit hurt that she would join another team I joked with her and said "So who's the traitor now?" she gave me a punch in the arm and said "Hey! we're all on the same team:)" She was right. And she was right on a much deeper level than just gymnastics. We are all in this fight we call life we call life, on the same team, going towards the same goal. I know that when I first heard the news of her passing the first picture that came to my mind was one I had taken of her on one of our numerous gymnastic tours. Her head thrown back with laughter, the sun on her face, and her eyes closed as if soaking in the joy of the sunshine. My heart still breaks, the pain is still very real and the tears still flow but that is how I will remember Daphne. With a smile on her face and a song in her heart. She lived a life of faith. Faith that denied the grim days of chemo treatment and hospital beds. I watched Daphne's funeral from across the sea and longed to be with those who mourned her loss yet still holding tight to that hope that we have we will all see her one day again. I know that this poem was already read from Brittany Jacobson at her funeral but it fit so perfectly I want to remind all those feeling their hearts breaking from this loss to hear it once again....

You can shed tears that she is gone,

or you can smile because she lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back,

or you can open your eyes and see all that she's left.

Your heart can be empty because you can't see her,

or you can be full of the love you shared.

you can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,

or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember her only that she is gone,

or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back,

or you can do what she'd want;

Smile, open your eyes, love and go on. <3

I love you Daphne

Daphne Knecht January 28, 2012

You are Yapesse

Diane: "you smell yapesse, your arms look yapesse, you swim yapesse, you must be yapesse."

This was the quote I recieved this afternoon after an amazing swim in the mangroves just outside gagil village. This sabbath needed to be different for me. I was tired of just staying in our apartment all sabbath afternoon so Pam and I decided to go on an adventure and solicited the help of her adopted island parents to get us a boat. I asked Thomas if we could borrow a boat without a motor to go out and anchor in the inlet and go for a swim sabbath afternoon. We had planned to bring sandwiches and have lunch but after a failed skype meeting for me it ended up being already 2pm so we just grabbed our stuff and ran out to the car. It ended up being 4 of us going:) (Pam, her "mom", sister and myself) We went to Thomas's village to get the boat but he wasn't home. We asked some of the local kids sitting on the porch of the small village church if they knew where Thomas was and they lead us to his daughter and wife in a far off hut. His wife is hilarious (Diane) and is such a joyous individual, laughing about everything with the smile of a child. She was excited and wanted to come with us, saying that her husband would paddle us out and we would be fine. Walking through the village was exactly how I pictured my SM year all along. Yet not until now, 6 months later, had I begun to actually feel "local". The locals were of course staring at the "white girls" lol and we really stuck out as a sore thumb in this small village. Walking along small dirt paths between huts made of scrap metal and whatever else is avaliable really made me begin to think about everything I had, even as an SM as far as worldly possessions. The cooking smoke pouring from the mesh sidings, little naked kids running around, playing with broken CDs, dirty soccer balls and dragging around cans on a string. We walked down to the man groves and were expecting to find a small canoe or something small boat that we would captain out to the ocean but instead Thomas pushed this HUGE orange and blue boat out of the trees and handed us two giant bamboo paddles. We looked at eachother and laughed and accepted the paddles with a sense of adventure. All four of us hopped in and started off manouvering our way through the mangroves with Diane laughing and joking everytime we would run into the tress. The passages were narrow but we finally made it out into more open water out by the school dock. It was pretty muddy so we moved back into the channel to have deeper water. I had to go in with flair so I flipped into the water off the side of the boat and all the local kids that had gathered by now were cheering wildly. The kids of course swim....very free....yes, naked. They don't care about social inuendos. The boys were wearing what they call "thues" which is basically a simple fabric wrapped strategically around their bottoms...but not nessisarily covering very much lol. The girls are often without tops in the villages but mainly outter islanders. It was so refreshing to be out there since it was another scourcher of a day. Not much breeze so the air is thick with humidity and its hard to breathe. We returned to the village and got many supper invitations but had to decline and head back to the school. I graciously accepted the small wrapped food offering from one of the small kids that was swimming in the mangroves with us. It was a palm branch wrapped around a ball of white rice. He offered it to me with two hands, bowing his head to me graciously, the way they show respect to someone that is older. But before we could leave they insisted we take a "yapesse" shower. This "yapesse shower" consists of grabbing a container out of HUGE barrel of rain water and proceeding to dump it over your head. They follow their showers with an application of their "local oil" on the skin to prevent sunburn or peeling. They use local medicine for EVERYTHING here. It's basically a mixture of coconut oil and island herbs. Apparently it gets rid of sun spots so I must get a hold of some of that soon since I have REALLY bad sun spots on both my shoulders from this blazin island SUN! When I first arrived here in Yap and smelled the local coconut oil for the first time I gaged big time. Actually I am still getting use to the smell. But I politely took the small bottle and applied it to my arms. This was when I was given the quote from Diane at the beginning of this blog...

"you must now be yapese."

I chuckled with her.
I love to hear their accent here. They actually go up in volume in the middle of their sentence kind of like a question...you have to hear it to understand it....

Before leaving I was taught how to put in a local yapese comb to hold up my hair. I have seen all the girls in school using this thing called the "yapesse comb" and it really intreguied me as I would watch them gracefully twirl their hair in a tight bun and slide thsi comb into place. There is no need to hari elastics and you always have a comb handy. It is amazing how they do it and now as I sit here and write I have one holding up my ocean soaked locks :)

After a night of intense dutch blitz rounds in the principals apartment and a feast of phillipeno food I prepare myself to fly off to Hawaii with Andrea to get surgery on her ankle. There are no predictable days here and as I get ready to leave, I leave this school in God's hands. Hoping and praying that I can return in a week to everyone still in tack and in good health. We have not yet had a fully working staff list since I arrived at the school 5 months ago. There has ALWAYS been someone sick or injured, or leaving the island for surgery or recovery. Pam for apendicitis, Andrea of Dengue Fever, I have been sick with the flu a few times.....The devil is working so hard to get us all discouraged.

Failed jumping picture :)

The Mangroves ocean side

chillin' in the gigantic "canoe"

it takes a lot to steer that blue monster!!

Feeling the HURT

It hit hard. Opening up my facebook and reading that first line from my coachs status "Lost my first gymmaster this morning to the sleep called Death." I literally couldn't breathe. The tears came instantly and I can't really express the pain of loosing a friend to such a horrible thing as cancer. She had such a beautiful smile and joy for life. This life is hard and she will be missed terribly. Today is going to be a challenge and being so far away from it all, all I can do is bow my head and pray for the thousands of other friends and family feeling the huge loss of such an incredible person. Daphne Knecht fought hard. She was a fighter through it all, never letting the situation or her condition dampen her faith. She is a true inspiration to us all. Will never forget her or the impact she has had on my life. <3

All the Broken Pieces

Take a deep breath. Seems to be a burden. Here I go into another week feeling inadequate and unmotivated. Teaching (no matter what the subject) can be a very humbling experience. I pretty much like i've failed at it every day. I could have taught that differently. I shouldn't have said that. I should have, should have this, should have that... Really puts your flaws and wants out in the spot light. At least for me it does. It humbles and punishes.
so I turn on my itunes, push earphones into my ears to try and tune out the thoughts and focus. Then the words come and flood over me. Matthew West; All the broken pieces.

Did you feel, feel it break

From all the weight of your mistake?

You never knew how much it cost

Feels like your innocence is lost

So much for the perfect life

So much for the perfect day

It's like no matter how you try

Perfection's just too far away

So lift them up to Me

All the broken pieces

All the broken pieces of your life

All the broken pieces

All the broken pieces of your life

Did you hear what I said?

Did you read the words I wrote down in red?

I was broken once for you

And no one loves you like I do

And that's the beauty of this grace

It can put the pieces back in place

And shine reflections of forgiveness

In a million different ways

I can take even your greatest mistake

Every scar, every tear, every break

And I can turn it in to something more beautiful

Than you have ever seen

So lift them up to Me

No matter what you are going through. What you are facing in life right now. How inadequate or a failure you feel God is there, asking you to give it all to Him. I'm still figuring out "how" to do this. How to just "leave it in God's hands". The verse that comes to mind is "Be Still and know that I AM GOD." He will take very mistake and has already taken them on himself. So join me in letting go and letting God :)This life cannot be done on our own. I find myself falling to my knees every night realizing that my attempts today were just that....attempts. So I hope God can create success out of my weakness and mistakes.

Sabbath surprises:)

Okay after skyping awesome people, winning dutch blitz by a HUGE comback and journalling for 2 hours I think this blog post is way overdue:)

Weekends are such a welcomed event here for me! I would say when I was at southern "TGIF" and usually complete the friday with an early load of laundry, lunch with a friend and dress up (peacock) time for vespers. But here its a whole other ball game. I don't think I've ever been able to truly say the welcomed phrase "THANK GOODNESS it's friday" until this year. Last week Jenessa emailed the SM's and announced that we could skype Southern for the afterglow program to talk to friends or outgoing SM's. I got pretty excited. The time was set for 12:30 my time and 9:30pm Tennesse time after vespers. In turn I decided to stay back because church is thirty minutes away plus potluck equals Sophie would NOT be back in time for any of those skype times. We have to have someone with us at all times ...can't be alone so Andrea said she would stay back with me since it's hard to travel with her leg in a cast and PLUS she is from southern so it worked out perfectly. We tried to stream the vespers program but no luck... that's not much of a surprise. Even plugged in and turning off wireless and with NO ONE else on campus it still does not have the power to stream anything faster than a slideshow of pictures. I was kind of disapointed to be signed off skype seeing no one i knew or come talk to me. Jenessa said she would call back if anyone came and asked for me. Kind of opened my eyes to how many of my friends have left southern...but then I got the call back :) It was exactly what I needed to see, the two smiling faces of some very beautiful people in my life. Juliana McGraw and Lauren Brooks:) had a nice conversation with them and really laughed at the comment they made "so will you go to the beach by the ocean and get a tan that will make us jealous." HAHA I had to gracefully inform them that aside from even my own preconcieved idea of the "islands"there is no ocean access where we are except a muddy lagoon and the fruit consists of coconuts and bananas and tarro :) It was blessed to talk with them, really lifted my spirits.

Last week was quite the experience! I have started teaching HS science classes and if you know me AT ALL you would know that I dispise the science. When I say that this year is "stretching me" that is an understatment. I am being stretched beyond my wildest dreams...or nightmares lol. I did make my students aware of this fact (my dislike of the sciences) before I started teaching but also made them excited that we would be ...learning together... One of the students said "I use to like chemistry, but this year I hate it..." well thats what i'm walking in to.. So one week down I was hoping it would only be two weeks, but the computer lab renovation is taking much longer than expected so who knows how long these kids will have to suffer through me teaching chemistry, physical science, and senior physics. Its a challenge.

The temperature with no signs of slowing down. Teaching is not only fighting with student discipline or trying to get them to listen but also to try and ignore the dripping of sweat off your body with the heat of the blazin sun. I was told it only gets hotter in the next few months. IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE. This is the canadian talking, no i will NEVER acclimatize.

So my challenge this week. Try and get the students to enjoy or at least participate in football. I've been trying for weeks and its an uphill battle. This teaching aspect is really starting to take a backburner when more of my time is spent just trying to get them to step onto the field.

My PE dept. Southern family has been an absolute lifeline to me this year. I ask for a web site to order equipment they send it. I am overwhelmed with gratitude and its amazing how every single act, down to a note in the mail can really make my day.

So advice for today (after playing the "at least" game with Andrea) "don't take your friends for granted. you'll miss them like everything when they're gone."

Wake Up

I need a reality check every once in a while. A reminder that I'm not living on ME planet. It's not an easy thing to hear but its nessisary.

These "problems" and "challenges"I have faced in the last 5 months pale in comparison to what I see going on around me in this world. And as much as I've complained and cried and been beaten down, this is temporary. There is an end to this for me but for many others, thier faith stay strong even in the face of a lifetime of hurt or injury or disease or even death.

So I have a lot of growing up to do. But I can almost put it down to the second. The buck stops here. So yes, that was very painful but needed. Not to be heard the way it hit me off my feet. I fight it but it's true. Putting down the pity card and all my feelings aside I press on through today. I will get through this and I have a lot to be thankful for. So putting it nicely "wake up".